There are certain sins committed against us that no matter how sorry the other person is, there is no amount of amends that will ever make up for the harm they caused us. In some cases, that person never apologizes and goes to their grave carrying with them your wounded heart. What a tragedy!
This is the crazy cycle that allows the sins of our fathers to be carried through generations.
When we allow others' sins against us to derail our lives, we give the devil all the power! We are handing the keys to demons and saying, that's it, you win! I give up; take me where you want me. You're allowing the enemy to wreak havoc on your value, destroy your identity, and redefine your worth.
"Be angry, yet do not sin." Do not let the sun set upon your anger, and do not give the devil a foothold...." Ephesians 4:27
Sister, by doing this, you are directly walking into the enemy's plan for you, which is found in John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." The enemy would love nothing more than to rob you of your life, your children's life, and your future grandchildren's lives. How you decide to deal with this trauma will define your legacy and the generations to come. The Bible says, "For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:12 NLT
My father would have never been able to give back the childhood innocence I lost by his sexually assaulting me. A husband that cheated can't go back and rewrite history and ever make up for the betrayal he committed against you and your family. The years drowning in alcoholism, the porn-addicted husband, the horrific loss of a loved one, the gaslighting, manipulation, the unseen wounds... no amount of sorries can heal that or give you that time back. The sins these people committed against us directly correlate to them deciding on their own to follow the breadcrumbs. Breadcrumbs that led them to their destructive behavior that caused the immense pain you're feeling. So, when does the cycle stop? How does the cycle stop?
First, recognize the source! The loved ones that hurt you took the bait. That doesn't mean you have to. We fight differently when we acknowledge that we are battling against demonic forces and not our loved ones. We battle Spiritually, not physically.
We put on the full armor of God.
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord's people." Ephesians 6:10-18
Second, we accept that this person can never heal the pain they caused us, even if they are deeply sorry. The only one that can heal that wound is Jesus. Until you fully surrender that pain, you will continue to drown in depression, take your hurt out on those around you, and try to have that loved one pay the price for their sin. The devil keeps winning! Now that sin has multiplied. It's cancer that spreads. Suddenly you're not the only one in your house suffering; your children suffer because of how you choose to deal with that sin. Your job is being affected; your health is being affected. The battle for your life and your family's life is being won each moment you choose to give into your hurt. After all, that was the enemy's goal when he planted that breadcrumb in front of your loved one, which led them to sin. It's up to you to stop picking it up and eating it. You must allow God to do what only God can and begin healing you and your family. I know you don't know how to deal with this pain, Sister, but I do know a very real and mighty God that does. He wants to lead you through the healing journey and bring you to the other side of it because you're worth it! The Lord says,
"And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know; in paths, they have not known, I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16
Today Sister, decide not to pick up another breadcrumb and pick up your Bible instead. Allow God to lead you through your pain and help you get to the other side of this battle victorious! Get your life back...