It's been a tough two days. My past is trying to drag me back. A trigger set it off. I am so frustrated that I still get triggered. I am so tired of being that girl with soul wounds hidden in the deepest parts of my being.
This one is deep, real deep. I'm so thankful I can at least see it now. It's out of the darkness and into the light. Thank you for shining your light into the depths of darkness only your power can produce. Thank you for revealing where this gripping pain stems from. It is rooted in abandonment—the fear of rejection.
Oh, Holy Spirit, come, take this pain from me.
You draw me to your word and point me to the answers only you can give. You counsel me in the privacy of my home. I feel your presence engulf me. My first reminder I am not alone. You are here.
I open your word, "Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you." John 16:32
Drip, drip... the parchedness of my soul begins to be nourished with each word I receive. Thank you, Lord.
Next, you remind me that I have been made new. My past does not define me. My history does not rule my future. You do, Lord. You say, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." 2 Corinthians 5:17
Finally Lord, you remind me not to react to my triggers. "Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." Deuteronomy 32:35
I will rest in you, Lord.
"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."
3 For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his pinions,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.
9 Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place—
the Most High, who is my refuge—
no evil shall be allowed to befall you,
no plague come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways.
14 "Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him;
I will protect him, because he knows my name.
15 When he calls to me, I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
16 I will rescue him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation." Psalm 91:1-16
Thank you, Lord, for comforting me and directing my path. Forgive me for giving in to this trigger. Remind me of all that I have learned through you. I praise you for how far I've come. Strengthen me and restore me. Heal this wound, Jesus, but first, Lord, clean it out and leave nothing behind.